It’s been interesting observing my instinctual drawing inward and shutting so much down these last couple of weeks, as I have been so ill and am trying to begin the prep for the move. It’s like my mind has said, “There is only so much that I can deal with at one time and being sick with the flu and dealing with the move can’t be avoided, so everything else gets packed away.”
I guess that I could look at it as a bit of a holiday from dealing with the trauma! 😉 I was worried for awhile, because I had some of the most vivid flashbacks ever over Christmas, and I feared that the stress from the move was just going to increasingly activate the trauma reactions, but my mind seems to have figured out a way to deal with it.
Yesterday, I went to my session, and I was so very, very spacy the entire session. It was like my mind was saying, “There is no way that I am going into any difficult emotions right now. They are there. They are strong. And for right now, they are contained and they need to remain contained.” So I had a very scattered session, feeling the whole time that I was missing doing something that I needed to do. Finally, in the last 15 minutes, I realized that while I didn’t want to dive into the feelings and connect with them too much, I needed to just hold and sustain the parts of me inside who are containing those feelings for me right now. I needed to acknowledge how parts of me are helping me out right now and to give them some gentle, loving care and assure them that once the move is complete, I will go back to dealing with the other issues.
I am sure that people who don’t dissociate have ways of putting things aside and compartmentalizing whatever can’t all be dealt with at the same time, but at the moment this does seem like a bit of a handy skill to have on hand because it does the job so thoroughly. It isn’t one to be used lightly, but in a period of extreme stress, when there is some heavy stuff waiting in the background to be dealt with, that is a time for me to take advantage of whatever coping skills I have.
Makes sense CM, there’s only so much stress you can deal with before losing the plot. Dissociation can be very useful and if there are parts feeling forgotten maybe acknowledge their presence and reassure them they are valued and known. Happy healing and moving
Hi, NS! Yes, that is pretty much what I figured out that I need to do- make sure that I give the needed care to those parts.
Hopefully as I recover from the flu and regain some more energy, that will help me feel a bit less spacy and more grounded… Getting the flu right now really was terrible timing!
Cat,
I’m totally on board with you, mad dissociative skills are occasionally really useful! Hey, at least we got something positive out of all that trauma. And I understand you saying its not to be used lightly but there is difference between repression (“no way, not remembering that, didn’t happen”) and suppression (yes I know I feel this but right now is not the time and/or yes, I feel that way but there’s no need to act on it). You are practicing a necessary suppression, Hope you feel better soon and recover your energy for the move! xx AG
Yes, every once in a great while, I do discover a benefit! 😀
I hope once your move is done, you are able to get a nice long rest and some peace. I’ll hope you’ll feel at peace in your new home! xo
Thank you! I hope that there will be peace and comfort there, too. However, I have my suspicions that once I settle in, things are going to come up in a powerful way, because I no longer will need to worry about getting myself home safely. Mama Bear and I have also talked about the fact that we will have the option of adding in a second session, as needed. I hope that I can keep things on an even enough keel that it isn’t necessary, but if it is, it will be good to have that option.
Just take one moment at a time, you don’t have to dig any deeper than your ready for in that moment with her, but if stuff does come up, it is good that you have her close by and have the option of going more than once a week!